Like A Virgin
by wiccanforever
Summary: Takes place in cafeteria after Bella finds out the Cullens are vampires. So what's more fun than an irritated grizzly? Apparently sex. No lemons, just a lot of talk about sex, but non-graphic. Pretty funny and it includes all the Cullen kids.


This just popped into my head and I thought it would be fun to write.

Disclaimer: I'm not that idiot who writes the Twilight series, AKA Stephanie Meyer. If I was, there would be no pedophiles like Jacob in the Twilight series and Bella wouldn't be a pushover.

Another Disclaimer: I do not support sex before marriage or imply that virgins are lame. This story is not meant to encourage anyone to have sex.

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This takes place in the cafeteria when Bella and Edward are talking about vampire stuff.

_"Grizzly is Emmett's favorite." His voice was still offhand, but his eyes were scrutinizing my reaction. I tried to pull myself together._

_"Hmmm," I said, taking another bite of pizza as an excuse to look down. I chewed slowly, and then took a long drink of Coke without looking up._

_"So," I said after a moment, finally meeting his now-anxious gaze. "What's your favorite?"_

_He raised an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth turned down in disapproval. "Mountain lion."_

_"Ah," I said in a politely disinterested tone, looking for my soda again._

_"Of course," he said, and his tone mirrored mine, "we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators — ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?" He smiled teasingly._

_"Where indeed," I murmured around another bite of pizza._

_"Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season — they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable." He smiled at some remembered joke._

-Chapter Ten of Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

NO POV:

"Of course, to a vampire, there's nothing more fun than an irritable bear," Bella replied nonchalantly. "Except for sex, I guess." Edward's eyes widened and Bella was pleased that she tripped him up.

"What?" Edward asked, more than a little surprised with Bella.

"Well if you don't sleep then you have to do something at night, right?" Bella said, shrugging. Emmett was laughing at Edward's expression over at the Cullen table. "So that means that you either have some vampire girlfriend to occupy you or you're a player."

"What?" Edward asked again. Again, laughing was heard from the Cullen table.

"Oh don't act so surprised, I mean, what's the big deal? So you guys have sex every day, do I care? Well, maybe I'm a little jealous, but I don't judge, if I couldn't sleep, that's what I would be doing, too," Bella replied, smiling.

"Why—How are you talking about this?" Edward said jerkily.

"What? Ooooh, I get it, you're not comfortable talking about sex. That means you're either not getting any or you're painfully shy, which is it?" Bella asked, chuckling slightly.

Edward looked around the cafeteria and back to his family for help. "That's none of your business," he finally said.

Bella couldn't help herself, she had to let out a very long laugh at that. Finally, gasping for air and trying to catch her breath she said, "Sorry, sorry. I think it's very honorable that you're a 110 year old virgin, really I do." At this she had to stop and laugh again. "Right, sorry, it's just kind of unbelievable. You're a vampire with nothing to do at night and you're totally hot, so it's not that you can't get a girlfriend, it's that you won't, which means you're not only picky, but sexually deprived. The fact that your whole family is probably having sex every night while you can hear them _and_ read their minds must make your existence very miserable."

Edward stared and replied, "Can we not talk about this anymore?"

"No, I'm really enjoying this topic," Bella smirked. "So you've never had sex? Really? Have you even had a girlfriend?"

"If it ends this conversation, I'll go ahead and say no. I've never had a girlfriend in my vampire life, I'm not sure about my human life, and I've never…well, you know," Edward replied stiffly.

"Just say it, Edward, it's not a bad word. Sex. It. The Bing-Bing. Hell, you can even call it intercourse if you want to be a dork about it," Bella said, exasperated.

"I'm not talking about this and you shouldn't either, it's not proper," Edward firmly answered.

Bella had another bout of laughing before she could respond. "Proper? No one is proper anymore and for a good reason. No good conversation is 'proper.' Ah Edward, a virgin. I don't know the last time I've been friends with a virgin. Back in Phoenix, all my friends were, well, slutty, I guess. Half our conversations were about sex, mostly their sexcapades. I didn't really approve of their sleeping around, but it did make for some interesting conversations."

Edward could do nothing but stare at her.

"What? I'm being honest, here. I never said that _I_ slept around, just that my friends did. I mean, sure I had a couple interesting stories of my own, but not nearly as many as them," Bella said.

Edward continued to stare in shock.

"Come on, say something, don't be a prude," Bella encouraged.

Finally Edward said, "You've actually, um, had _intercourse_?"

"Man, I told you that only vir—I mean dorks say 'intercourse'!" Bella moaned.

"Just answer the question," Edward demanded, rather sharply.

"Fine, since I already know about you. I've only had sex twice, and only with a guy I was dating for a year. We broke up a couple months before I moved her, sheesh, need any more details, perv? Do you need to know how good it was? Do you need to know if we used protection? Do you need to know exactly what we did?" Bella ranted, anger growing with each sentence. At the end of her little tirade she stood up to walk away in a huff, but Edward stopped her.

"Wait, I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to think. I thought you were completely innocent and then we had this whole conversation on…_IT_, and well, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pried," Edward apologized quietly. Bella sat down again and sighed.

"No, it's okay, I just get a little pissed off when I think about Shane. I mean, I loved him, I gave him my innocence and he cheated on me with a cheerleader. I was just taking it out on you, but you may be right, waiting for sex is probably better," Bella replied somberly. She perked up in the next instant, though, and said, "Well, maybe waiting 110 years isn't better, though. I mean, now you really really want some. I mean, now the way you're looking at me is downright pervy."

Edward jumped slightly and looked away, if he could blush than he would have. "I wasn't thinking about that," he muttered.

"I'm not dumb, I know why Mike and Eric and Tyler all keep sniffing after me. Honey, all teenage boys are thinking about that. I mean, you've been a teenager for the last century, you probably think about sex more than any other teenage boy, plus you have to hear about sex in the minds of most of this school," Bella replied.

"I'm not like them," Edward said, stubbornly.

"Really?" Bella said softly, seductively, inching closer to Edward. As their faces got closer, Bella could see Edward's resistance fail and he closed in for the kiss. It was hot and passionate, but due to Bella pulling away, it was short.

"Damn, I'll have to give you credit, you have magic lips, _but_ I was right about the whole teenage boy thing. You just can't resist a girl when she gets too close, now can you?" Bella remarked lightly.

Edward was currently trying to shift his legs to hide his erection, when he was sure that Bella couldn't see it, he replied, "I have more control than teenage boys, you don't see me trying to get you to join me in the broom closet, do you?"

"Please, like you would want your first time to be in a freakin' broom closet," Bella rolled her eyes.

"Oh great, now we're back to that," Edward groaned, wishing that the subject of his virginity would stop being brought up.

Unfortunately for him, Emmett decided to come over at this point. Edward glared, he hadn't wanted his family too close to Bella yet, but Emmett still said, "Hey Bella, I'm Emmett, little Eddie's here, big bro."

"I get the feeling that you're here to tease him about needing to get laid," Bella said with an amused grin.

"Sure thing. I wanted to say, wow Edward! You are sending off a strong virgin signal if this girl can already tell! I mean, maybe it's time little Eddie became big Eddie, huh?" Emmett guffawed. This was him in his element; that Bella could sure set up some great jokes for him. Alice had seen this coming so she soon arrived at their table with Jasper in tow.

"Emmett, you can't just leave Edward alone? I mean it's probably embarrassing enough for him as it is," Alice admonished, fighting back a smirk. Edward wasn't so smooth and perfect now, was he?

"Oh my god, why is practically my whole family here now? Must you all try to humiliate me?" Edward practically shouted, but still trying to keep his cool in front of Bella.

"Well, that's what Alice and Emmett are here for, I just like watching," Jasper said with an amused shrug.

"Besides, Edward," Rosalie said snidely, not one to be left at a table alone, "not everything is about you."

"Yeah, Edward, I like your family, they're more fun than you," Bella said innocently, her eyes twinkling.

"You know, Bella, I think you're going to fit in just fine with our family," Alice said welcoming smile.

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Once again, people, this story was written for fun, don't think that virgins are dorks or anything, cuz they're cool.

REVIEW!!!


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